nerdiestkids:

Bioware has gone on a damn monetization spree with the upcoming launch of their much anticipated space epic, Mass effect 3. They’ve teamed up with Razer to piss off the biggest and brokest “Mass Effans” (*Mass Effans* Coined by Flitz of the Nerdiest Kids.), to make some of the sexiest accessories and peripherals this side of the galaxy. Look at all this shit you won’t be able to afford with those bi-weekly unemployment checks you’ve been enjoying.

A sexy-ass Razer Keyboard 

This son of a bitch is sexy as hell, which makes sense since it’s called the “Black Widow Ultimate”. Buying this asshole will get you the DLC Collectors Assult Rifle. It’ll run you $139.99 It would be great if this jerk cooked a meal for you once a month at that price, that would be great!

An Iconic Ergonomic Mouse

WTF is an Imperator? This bastard is so bitchin’ they had to make up a damn word for what it does; imperate… Perfect for getting your ME3 PC skills on. It has a 6400dpi 4G Dual Sensor System, I don’t want to pretend I know what the hell that is. This smooth slicer will run you $79.99

Holy Hell Head Phones 

How in the name of Zod do they spit out full 5.1 surround sound channels into my head through head phones? We only come with two ears! Not only are these exalted pricks equipped to blast dynamic sound through your eye sockets, they’re mother fragging wireless! Their called “Chimera 5.1” I wish they were called “Mine” because $209.99 is a bit steep for me. You should get them though, seriously.

SexBox 360 Controller

PC gamers have been getting tons of butt love with most of the applicable peripherals being put out for ME3, but leave it to Microsoft to make sure their community gets some fan wank as well. Onza is what it’s called. This one boasts a ton of features I’ve yet to see on any controller. Adjustable resistance analog sticks? Guess you can change you sensitivity on the fly which is quite handy. Programmable buttons on a console controller? That’s a pretty rare beast. The controller also has backlit buttons, so even Helen Keller can do her best during multiplayer while signing commands to her teammates. Bam $59.99      

The other peripherals being manufactured are cool as well, but not as sexy, much closer to the foreplay.

The Magnificent Vespula Mouse Pad $34.99

Super Spiffy Mass Ebbag $79.99

iPhone 4 Suicide Net Protection Case $24.99

Enjoy drooling over the idea of owning any of these. If you just so happen to purchase them, send us pics and we’ll celebrate your new found poverty together! :D

-Amra “FLitz” Ricketts